Today’s post is all about a reality check for older women who are “dating” younger men online. In just about every case, the younger man made the first contact on a dating website or social media.

My first disclaimer is that I’m totally cool with relationships where one person is much older than the other. You can go to Southern Florida, Southern California, or just about anywhere and see older men holding hands with younger woman or older women snuggling with a younger guy. Most people don’t give it a second thought.

Yeah! Way to go!

These couples know each other in person. They could have met in any number of ways. They’re in real relationships.

If you’re “dating” someone you met on the Internet and you’ve never met in person, then it’s not real in the same way it’s real for couples who can touch each other and speak without a device between then.


I find older men attractive, whether we’re meeting in person or if it’s just a photo starting back at me from an online dating site.

In a real relationship, when I was 26 I met a 41-year-old man and we dated for two years.

Also in a real relationship, my second cousin was 25 when he married his 40-year-old wife. So cute together.

No matter what the age, meeting someone in person, having them stand in front of you, holding a conversation – all of that is real.

Sending emails and texts to someone you’ve never met in person? Nothing is real until you meet.


Now I’m back to the older/younger person thing who meet online.

Please – no one accuse me of ageism here! Or body shaming! This is just a reality check for ladies.

Let’s pick on the age 50. Half a century. We’ll just use 50 as a starting point age. 50 and up.

Ladies, if you are 50 (or older) and a man half your age, or less than half your age, contacts you on the Internet and calls you beautiful, sweetheart, my queen, declares he’s falling in love with you, etc – take a moment for a reality check.

I beg of you! Please! Think about this!

What if some goofball half your age walked up to you in the grocery store and says: “I never used to believe in love at first sight but that’s before I saw you. Are you as beautiful in the inside as you are on the outside? If I push your shopping cart for you, will you take me home?”

I’d tell Romeo to take a hike, but I probably wouldn’t say it quite that politely!

Reality check! As people get older, they don’t get prettier. And I get it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But some creepy little guy who’s 30 or 40 years younger who compliments you is only after one thing. And surprise, surprise. Probably not sex.

If you’re a woman in her fifties or sixties and a man in his twenties reaches out because he’s dazzled by your beauty – he’s full of shit!

He’s a scammer. He wants to steal your money. And he’ll probably steal your heart while he’s doing it.


I thought I’d cover flirting here.

It’s easier for unknown people to flirt with you through emails and texts. They can copy and paste a poem or say things they think you want to hear.

It’s easy to flirt online with an unknown person.

An unknown younger person standing right there in front of you, there’s a higher chance of figuring out why they’re flirting. And whether or not it’s welcome.

A young waiter, or someone else in a service industry, might throw in a few flirts and compliments while being friendly and attentive in order to get a better tip.

Maybe it’s fun and flattering and nothing more is expected from either person. It’s just part of a business transaction.

A romance scammer going overboard on flattery and compliments is also doing it as a business transaction. He wants to get lots of money from his victim.


Once again, I’ll point out that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes in what they find attractive in a potential partner.

When you’re on a dating site, you’ve got to watch out for profiles that feature pictures of what I’ll call “pretty boys”. Men who look like models or look like they’re posing for a photo shoot. Why would a guy like that be interested in me? He’s not. That’s a scammer using stolen photos.

That’s the reality!

If you’re an older woman and a man with a photo that looks like the one below contacts you and showers you with compliments and within the week is making marriage plans, he’s probably a scammer.

The above is clearly a staged photo of a very handsome “pretty boy” in his mid-twenties. With his good looks, he would have no problem at all getting a date with a woman close to his own age.

Why would a man with model good looks need to contact women 30 or 40 years older than him and see if she’s interested in marriage?

Let me be very clear that the man in the above photo is NOT a scammer. He is former Calvin Klein model and Baywatch actor, Michael Bergin. And sorry, ladies, he’s already married.

Scammers steal photos like this as bait to attract women. However, not every woman out there is going to be attracted to a guy who looks like this. But don’t worry. Those scammers have plenty of other stolen photos that can reel you in.


I hesitate to name an actual number of years on what might constitute a huge age difference in a relationship.

The biggest age difference in a couple that I know of because of the celebrity surrounding it was Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. They married when she was around 25 and he was around 90. And I don’t know them, and don’t how they felt about each other. But they met in person, if the TV movie is correct, at the strip joint where she was working.

I’m sure they had a mutually beneficial arrangement. He got a gorgeous younger wife and her money problems as a single mother were over when she hitched her wagon to a billionaire. I’m sure going in, they both knew what they were getting from the relationship.

An unknown man on the Internet, who is several decades younger, is probably looking for a woman with money he can steal. Or even if she doesn’t have money, has the ability to get loans or sell her house.

I mean, how flattering that this younger man who could choose any woman in the world has chosen her!

She’s fallen in love with a stolen photo. She’s fallen in love with the texts and emails he sends from a book of verses he uses as part of his job as a scammer.

Except that she thinks he’s a real person and believes everything he tells her.

It is so important to remember: nothing is real until you meet in person!


This scenario where an older woman believes a young, handsome man has fallen in love with her happens too many times.

I’m not a big Dr. Phil fan, but if I see he’s doing an episode on a romance scammer, I tune in.

From time to time I watch Catfished and other romance scams on YouTube.

Gotta keep myself sharp to the tricks of the trade to make sure it doesn’t happen to me!

It is crazy that all these older women think that the younger man they’ve fallen in love with and loaned money to is going to meet up with them, pay back the money, bring even more money to the relationship thanks to that ten million dollar inheritance from that African prince who they’re distantly related to, and then they’ll live happily ever after.

Instead, she’s a victim of a scammer who stole her money and her heart.

If you meet a younger man online, run through a check list:

  1. Do a reality check and ask yourself why he’s interested in you instead of a woman closer to his own age.
  2. Is the photo on the dating site of a pretty boy? Does he appear to be posing? A scammer probably stole a model’s photos.
  3. Has he fallen in love with you quickly? Promising a lifetime together?
  4. Has he asked for money?

Always protect your heart and your money. If he sounds too good to be true, he’s probably a scammer.


To sum it up: don’t be delusional.

It’s like anything else that sounds too good to be true. Do a reality check. There’s probably something wrong here.

Ask yourself if the person looking back at you in that photo on the computer is someone you think you could attract in real life.

Let’s pick on pretty Baywatch boy in the above photo. Would a man like him be attracted to you if you met in person? Would he look at you and a romantic spark ignite? Or would he make polite conversation until he can make a beeline for the attractive woman closer to his age?

Stay safe and don’t give your money away!

Published by Cheryl @ The Lifestyle Digs on June 7, 2021.


Are you Dating a Romance Scammer?
Spot a Romance Scammer by their Online Dating Profile
Don’t Give Money to People you’ve Never Met

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