Divorcing Your Couple Habits: The Breakup You Didn’t Know You Needed

Hi friends, and thanks for stopping by to read about divorcing your couple habits: the breakup you didn’t know you needed. By a woman who’s been there, done that, and now eats crackers in bed! Ha ha!

Grey divorce. Who can relate? Actually it doesn’t matter if it’s grey or not. Getting divorced sucks. There’s all kinds of stuff we have to go through when we find ourselves suddenly single.

So there I was – divorced after decades, legal papers filed, getting rid of the crap he left behind, and eating too much chocolates and ice cream. Well, I always ate too much sweet treats, so divorce didn’t change that about me too much! I thought the hard part was over. What I didn’t expect was that I had a second breakup to go through: the one with my couple habits.

Turns out no one warns you that after splitting from your significant other, you still have to split from all the little routines. Compromises and expectations that became second nature when “we” was the default setting.

Here’s what that looked like for me. And maybe for you, too.

Date night Friday no longer has to be a thing

For years, Friday night meant date night. Sometimes that mean going out to a restaurant, and other times it was takeaway to eat at home. Either way it meant I was mentally calculating the calories and the bank account. Now? Friday means staying at home and watching Dateline and eating whatever I want. No need to put on makeup. And wow – all the money I’m not spending by eating out once a week.

Seriously. $50 would be a cheap night! That’s $2500/year spent eating out on Date Night that I’ll never get back.

Cooking for one – freedom in a frying pan

It felt weird at first, cooking just for me. But then I realized I can eat what I want, when I want, and how I want. No more planning around his schedule or what he wants to eat. Some nights I make a salad. Some nights I eat popcorn. Both are valid life choices.

Shopping without compromise

I used to shop with us in mind. The juice he liked and then a second juice that I like. Buying two different flavors of ice cream because he didn’t like my choice or vice versa. Buying coffee, even though I don’t drink it. Not buying things because he didn’t think they were necessary. Though you can be darned certain I buy any unnecessary groceries I want now. One of the last things I bought for him was a dozen pepperoni Pizza Pops – on sale $1 each. He never ate them. Neither did I. I’m a vegetarian. No fear. I gave them to a friend.

The social life shuffle: saying goodbye to couple friends

No, I don’t want to be the fun single lady at your couples dinner party. And I don’t want your pity invite, either. When our relationship ended so did the relationships with the couples we knew together. I’m finding new rhythms with people who don’t make me feel like a third wheel. Thanks to Meet Up I began making new friends and going on outings. Here’s a pro tip: make friends with other fabulous women who love early dinners and say yes to spontaneous coffee dates.

Solo decision making is a beautiful thing

Remember when even the smallest decision had to be run through the “we” filter? Now I pick the hotel, the car, the thermostat setting, and the brand of peanut butter. It’s all mine. I love it! It’s efficient and exhilarating.

When I decided to become a nomad, I didn’t have to persuade someone else to join me on the nomadic lifestyle. I visit countries I want to see, choose housesitting assignments, decide what fun activities to partake in, and where and what I want to eat. Freedom!

The bed is all mine. Every. Last. Inch.

No more negotiating who the middle of the bed belongs to, pillow space, snoring, or stinky bed farts. I sleep diagonally now if I want to. Sometimes I sleep like a starfish. If I want a hot water bottle for my cold feet or less blankets when I’m too hot, I get what I want. No one else’s alarm clock is waking me up. No lights come on to wake me up in the middle of the night during a potty run.

And if I want to eat ice cream or pizza in bed – I’ll do it!

TV is no longer a battlefield

Goodbye endless sports, gritty crime dramas, adult animation (cartoons I say!), and science fiction movies. Hello Survivor, chick flicks, and rewatching Melrose Place. Without judgment. I don’t ask: “What do you want to watch” anymore. The answer is always “Exactly what I feel like.”

The remote control is all mine!

I can eat pizza I actually like

This goes beyond the meat lover versus vegetarian dilemma when it comes to choosing a pizza. With frugal me always trying to economize, it made more sense to order one large pizza, without meat, for $25. Except the deadbeat wasn’t having it. That meant ordering two large pizzas and spending more money. One that I could eat, and technically both that he could eat. And eat he did. Because I only ate two or three slices of pizza before putting it in the fridge.

And then he polished everything off.

So while I’m at it, here’s another quick point. I actually get to eat the leftovers!

Road trip on a whim

Want to drive up the coast alone? Visit your sister for the weekend? Take a solo trip to a vineyard where you don’t have to explain your wine budget to anyone? You can. No coordinating schedules or guilt-tripping. Just go.

Say goodbye to the in-laws

Or in my case, as I referred to them: the outlaws! There were a few relatives on his side that were familiar with jail cells. And I no longer have to put up with them anymore! Or their “borrowing” money that was never repaid. Pissed me off to no extent, let me tell you.

Yay! Freedom!

Anyway…

No more pretending to enjoy your ex’s family barbecues or navigating the weird politics of someone else’s family drama. You’ve officially retired from being their free tech support, free labor, or their bank. They’re someone else’s problem now.

You can spend money on foolish things and no one will bitch about it

Did I need the pricey candle that smells like Waikiki Beach? Maybe not. But I wanted it. I no longer have to justify anything to anyone. If I want to buy six kinds of eye cream and a purple hairbrush shaped like a dolphin, I will.

If I want to buy treats for my horse or new riding equipment, I’ll get it. No one is around to complain about how the money could be better used.